Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Silver Hammers Achieve First Ever Winning Record; Plans To "Enjoy It While It Lasts"


Thanks to a sub-par performance by Romo that still netted just enough fantasy points, and the always-solid, week-in week-out play by Coles and McGahee and an above-average game from TE Ben Watson, the Hammers overcame a disappointing combo of Lewis, White and Jones (6 pts total, not each - total) to narrowly defeat an ailing Peon Gorillas team 131-126. Said Byrd, "It wasn't our best game, by far, but the whole league had disappointing numbers this week and we are happy to squeak away with a victory, no matter how ugly it was." Ugly or not, excited fans were dancing in the streets of Bucksnort as the win gave their beloved "Quarry" men their first ever winning record. "I'm a winner baby and I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts!", exclaimed Byrd as he ordered a round of drinks for the house at a late night victory party at JP's Fire & Ice, a combination dance club / hockey rink in downtown Bucksnort owned by his long-time friend John Patterson. However, Byrd and the F&I crowd may have a short celebratory period, as the Hammers go on the road next week to face the formidable Ruskies.

Silver Nuggets: ...Rival commissioner and "madman" Ahmoud Mahmadinejad of the IFFL (Iranian Fantasy Football League), shown here demonstrating his passing motion, gave a speech at the Bucksnort Community College where he controversially stated that there were no flex players in the IFFL, saying that flexing was strictly an American fantasy football "phenomenon" ...Stock prices in Stickum recently skyrocketed after a large anonymous purchase by an undisclosed buyer operating out of the Middle Tennessee area. Any connection to the recent fumble problems by Hammers' WR James Jones (2 of the team's overall 4 fumbles lost this week) or Terrell Owens dropped passes (that take away from Romo's numbers) has yet to be confirmed. ...Half-time entertainment at the Quarry was led by Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem, who used the appearance to announce a "30 cities in 3 days" tour, reuniting after a 23 year hiatus brought about over "musical differences".

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