4th Straight Win Clinches Playoff Birth

Maxwell's Silver Hammers upset Rich Chemistry by a score of 172-154, thanks in large part to the return of "Ocho-Cinco" and the Philly pass defense. Chad Johnson surprised all by catching 12 receptions for 103 yards and 3 touchdowns to put up a whopping 43 points. Even more surprisingly, Rich Chemistry's star receiver Randy Moss was held to only 9 fantasy points by the Eagles defense. Combined with another solid performance by Jamal Lewis (25 pts on 134 yards and 1 TD), the Silver Hammers roll to their 4th straight victory and will be heading to the playoffs in two weeks, possibly playing Rich Chemistry in a rematch. MSH owner, Erick Byrd was quoted as saying, "This victory was the culmination of 50% preparation, 50% excellent play, and 50% luck! ...what? that's 150%? ...uh, well, UNT grads were never that good with math." The Hammers (8-4-1) also took the 2nd place position in the Immortal Division from Rich Chemistry (8-5) by virtue of MSH's tie in week 1. However, that may be short-lived since the Hammers' next opponent is the league-leading 10-3 Las Cruces Fightin' Powder Puffs, who are currently favored by 11 points in the final regular season matchup.

Silver Nuggets: Rumors abound as Erick Byrd will be flying to California on an alleged "business trip" this week. There is some speculation that Byrd is looking to relocate the Silver Hammers home stadium after the town of Bucksnort, Tennessee has refused to pay for renovations to Lennon-Harrison Memorial Stadium. Byrd wants to add 500 luxury suites to keep up with the growing demand from celebrity fans and is also said to be drafting a bid for the 2010 FFFL Fantasy Bowl. Bucksnort locals are upset over Byrd's plans to sell 30-year seat licenses in 2008 for the minimum of $20,000 per seat. Bucksnort Mayor, the Honorable Buford T. Justice had this to say: "The prices are outrageous! The only celebrities we have in town are Big and Lil Enos Burdette and they've already lost a fortune to the Bandit, so I don't think they'll be able to afford those tickets, let alone any luxury suite." ...Despite various offers from cable and network stations, Chad Johnson has declined all offers to work as a cameraman during the off-season. ...As notorious marijuana enthusiast Ricky Williams returns to the NFL, the Silver Hammers held a special open try-out to see if other pot-heads have what it takes to play. Results? Tommy Chong and Willie Nelson were too old, Sid and Marty Krofft were too stoned, and Dave Chapelle decided not to show.

Hammers Victorious In Final Regular Season Home Game; Extend Win Streak To 3

The Silver Hammers are on a roll, winning their 3rd straight game to improve to a 7-4-1 record and, with only 2 more games remaining, are now guaranteed a winning record for the regular season. In front of a sold out home crowd, the Tony Romo (57 pts) lead Maxwell's Silver Hammers beat division rivals The Leathernecks by a score of 162-123. MSH continued to benefit from strong play at the RB position with Willis McGahee (23 pts) and Jamal Lewis (22 pts) putting up "A-game" numbers. Next, the Hammers take on last year's FFFL Champion Rich Chemistry (8-4) in another intra-division matchup. With a chance to secure a wild-card playoff position, the Hammers will be pumped up for the Thanksgiving weekend battle. So to paraphrase T.O., "Get your turkey legs ready!"


Silver Nuggets: Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr made a surprise appearance for the Hammers' final regular season half-time entertainment show. Joining the former Beatles on stage were Julian Lennon and Dhani Harrison, the sons of the late John Lennon and George Harrison, making the performance the closest thing to a Beatles reunion since George Harrison's passing in 2001. The "Beatles" performed "Hello Goodbye", "Twist and Shout", "Get Back" and of course, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer". However, due to the fact that the mini-concert was not promoted and the track-record of incredibly awful half-time entertainment in previous Hammers home games, nearly all of the sold-out stadium were in line for drinks on the concourse and completely missed the show...Hammers owner, Erick Byrd, in a rare moment of compassion, decided to pardon a Thanksgiving turkey today, borrowing from The President's honored yearly tradition, but then rescinded the decision at the last minute and ordered turkey club sandwich's for the entire team. Said Byrd, "I'm not really a big fan of turkey meat. I just wanted to piss off those wackos at PETA. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!"

Miracle Season Continues; Hammers Defeat Wolves

Just when you thought Maxwell's Silver Hammers season couldn't hold any more surprises, the improbable happens and the Hammers wake up to find that the 143-109 score over the Curley Wolves was not a dream. Thanks, in part to a lackluster performance by FFFL's top-ranked team, the Hammers escape from The Wolves Den with an upset victory, a 6-4-1 record, and a real chance to finish the regular season with a winning record. But the road ahead is a tough one, as the Hammers will have to "bang-bang" their way through the Immortal Division, facing The Leathernecks (4-7), Rich Chemistry (8-3) and Las Cruces Fightin' Powder Puffs (8-3) in the final three games before playoffs.

This week's star players were Tony Romo (53 pts), who seems determined to carry the team on his back every week, and the Seattle Defense (34 pts), once again owning the 49ers number. Heath Miller (18 pts) also had another solid game, continuing to prove that MSH's week 2 pickup of Miller from waivers to likely be the smartest move the team has made this season.

Silver Nuggets: The revolving door to the Hammers team offices briefly caught fire Sunday night after the team made it's 18th roster change since the season started. Building maintenance will replace the bearings and add more grease as the team nears the playoffs... In response to Paris Hilton's reported concern for increasing incidents of wild elephants going berserk in northeast India, Hammers owner Erick Byrd has announced his concern for hotel heiresses going berserk in southern California... although not an MSH product, the franchise plans to endorse the "Hammer Bar" as their unofficial energy bar. No word yet if the same consideration will be given to Arm & Hammer baking soda.

Silver Hammers Beat War Ducks - Proclaim Themselves "The Greatest"

With a thorough 172-119 victory over the expansion War Ducks, Maxwell's Silver Hammers can place a check mark by their final goal for the season. Those goals were to have a respectable showing against Erick Byrd's former team, the Peon Gorillas, and to be the best of the three expansion teams of 2007. Already besting both the Agate Types and the Peon Gorillas, the Hammers completed the trifecta Monday by defeating the War Ducks. In a post game interview, Hammers owner Byrd declared, "We are the greatest! ...expansion team in 2007, that is. Honestly, I was doubtful that we would win more than four games the whole season, so our 5-4-1 record is wonderful." When asked whether any new goals have been made, Byrd said, "I've got two, make the playoffs and win a playoff game. Those were the second year goals, but we've stepped them up to this year." The Hammers victory can be credited to the continuing surprise year from Tony Romo (54 pts) and a four touchdown game by Jamal Lewis (37 pts), with help from a solid Packers defense (28 pts). Looking forward, the Hammers take on their most formidable opponent, the league leading 8-2 Curley Wolves. The current line on the Curley Wolves vs. Silver Hammers game is -7.1 in favor of the Hammers, leading this reporter to wonder what crackhead is running the line on the FFFL league site. MSH will need to have big games from all starters to have any chance at defeating the Wolves. And that may be a tall order, considering that the Hammers 2nd best receivers, Laveranues Coles, will be on a Bye week and it is not certain that top receiver Chad Johnson will play after a strained neck in last week's game.

Silver Nuggets: Heather Mills, the estranged wife of former Beatle and writer of the song Maxwell's Silver Hammer, Sir Paul McCartney, has laid a claim to Silver Hammers' profits in recent divorce proceedings. While still claiming that she didn't marry Paul for his money, she has proceeded to demand over 50% of his estate, and has now staked a claim to 50% of all MSH profits from home game ticket sales and merchandising, as well as future TV contracts. When told that the Maxwell's Silver Hammers was not owned by McCartney and was only a "fantasy" football team, thus having no earnings to speak of, Mills went into a tirade and threatened the Hammers owner. In response, Byrd has reportedly inquired about hiring Yoko Ono as an extra bodyguard, giving her an opportunity to defend her title of most hated Beatle wife... After a dismal first half of the season, the MSH Promotions department is struggling to fill acts for half-time entertainment. This past week, the "talent" that was presented was yet another 80's retro act, Buckner And Garcia, who performed their 1982 hit "Pac-Man Fever"... Fearing that the recent writers strike in Hollywood will increase gaps between new episodes of LOST even more than in seasons past, Byrd - a self proclaimed LOST fanatic - stated he available for hire to finish this season's remaining episodes. Byrd's LOST scripts will reportedly include a story twist where Charlie is brought back to life, the Silver Hammers team arrives on the island to defeat the evil Others, and then drafts Hurley as an offensive lineman.