Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Hammers Suffer Devastating Loss, Consider Name Change

Just one week after riding a surge of excitement and promise for the franchise, the Hammers suffer a devastating loss to the Wild Bunch, only scoring 94 points, a team record low, to the Bunch's 142. "We expected a drop in scoring with our best quarterback, running back and kicker on a bye week, but this is dismal," said team owner Erick Byrd. The loss brings Maxwell's Silver Hammers back to an even 4-4-1 and back to 3rd place in FFFL's Immortal division. LenDale White was the only star for the Hammers, gaining 133 yards on the ground. But without a touchdown, White could only muster 17 fantasy points. Of the 9 starters, 5 scored in single digits. Normally dependable WR Laveranues Coles had an abysmal week, only scoring 2 points. The Hammers still have hopes for one of the eight playoff spots, as they are now tied for 6th best record overall with five games remaining, and will get another shot to secure their standing with the upcoming expansion rivalry game against the War Ducks.

After yet another disappointing loss following a big win, the up and down emotions have the Hammers feeling like an amusement thrill ride of late - so much so that Byrd is considering a name change to the Helter Skelters. In the US the term means "confused" and "disorganized", but in Britain it refers to an amusement park ride with a slide built in a spiral around a high tower. The Beatles song of the same name includes the lyrics "when I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide, where I stop and turn and I go for a ride, till I get to the bottom and I see you again." Byrd originally considered using the name for the team, but was worried about negative feedback associated with the term, which non-Beatle fans often associate with the Charles Manson murders. In a post game press conference, the owner said that he is only toying with the idea, stating that he would wait out the remainder of the season to make any decisions.

Silver Nuggets: Tony Romo's Hammers teammates are a bit concerned over the mental state of their star QB after he was recently seen enjoying the company of Britney Spears at a popular Hollywood club. Any possible relationship is just rumor and speculation at this point, but the team is monitoring the situation, and have not ruled out an intervention, if it comes to that. Said one teammate, who asked to remain anonymous: "Dude's messed up if he gonna tap dat. Shawty's all kinda crazy." ...Due to recent inactivity, it is rumored that one of the FFFL owners may have either entered the witness protection program or in fact have been whacked by Sopranos mobster Paulie Walnuts. Anyone with information as to the whereabouts of Leathernecks owner Chantz Wilson is asked to forward that information to the FFBI (Fantasy Football Bureau of Investigations). ...Hammer-mania update: recently joining the unofficial Silver Hammers' fanclub were Bob The Builder, Handy Smurf, Mario, Triple H and President George W. Bush.




Michael Moore also asked to join the MSH fanclub, but was denied membership. Said Byrd, "Sorry dude, fictional filmmakers posing as documentary filmmakers are restricted."

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