While our grounds crew "races" (get it?) to get the field ready for football, the Silver Hammers have kept busy this off-season by resigning four keepers to 1-year contracts. Willis McGahee, Jamal Lewis and Chad Johnson will rejoin FFFL superstar Tony Romo as the four pillars of the SH offense. Trying to divert rumors that Chad Johnson was asking to be traded, 
team owner, GM, and coach Erick Byrd said, "We think CJ still has the ability to be the top receiver in the league and has maintained steady yardage in the past few years. The TD's are what's lacking. The real problem is that Johnson is an attention hound and Romo is Bucksnort's golden boy. So, I promised him that if he would score 15 TD's this year, I would pay for a postseason weekend in Mexico with a celebrity starlet. I have Lindsey Lohan's number waiting in my Rolodex."
team owner, GM, and coach Erick Byrd said, "We think CJ still has the ability to be the top receiver in the league and has maintained steady yardage in the past few years. The TD's are what's lacking. The real problem is that Johnson is an attention hound and Romo is Bucksnort's golden boy. So, I promised him that if he would score 15 TD's this year, I would pay for a postseason weekend in Mexico with a celebrity starlet. I have Lindsey Lohan's number waiting in my Rolodex."
Silver Nuggets: "Maxwell" has been dropped like a silver hammer, the name that is. The team has decided to drop its possessive from the official team moniker. 
Beginning this season the team will simply be known as the "Silver Hammers". When asked for the reasoning behind the decision, Byrd gave many reasons, saying that the original team name, "Maxwell's Silver Hammers", was meant as a tribute to the Beatles, but the reference was lost with some of the backwoods fans of Bucksnort. In addition, the name was a bit long and the team will save quite a bit of money on uniform lettering. But the biggest reason: "It worked for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, so I thought, 'What the 
hell?'"...Fans began to line up outside Lennon-Harrison Memorial Stadium this week in anticipation of season ticket sales, but few tickets were sold when fans later discovered they were not in line to audition for American Idol. ...You may be asking yourself, "Who is this man behind the Silver Hammers?" Well, here's a profile (with apologies to Dos Equis):
Beginning this season the team will simply be known as the "Silver Hammers". When asked for the reasoning behind the decision, Byrd gave many reasons, saying that the original team name, "Maxwell's Silver Hammers", was meant as a tribute to the Beatles, but the reference was lost with some of the backwoods fans of Bucksnort. In addition, the name was a bit long and the team will save quite a bit of money on uniform lettering. But the biggest reason: "It worked for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, so I thought, 'What the 
hell?'"...Fans began to line up outside Lennon-Harrison Memorial Stadium this week in anticipation of season ticket sales, but few tickets were sold when fans later discovered they were not in line to audition for American Idol. ...You may be asking yourself, "Who is this man behind the Silver Hammers?" Well, here's a profile (with apologies to Dos Equis): His charm is so obnoxious, it's bottled and sold as repellent.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks. Today, two hamsters and a gerbil live there.
He is the only man to ever flunk the Rorschach test.
Every time he goes for a swim, lifeguards appear.
Alien abductors have no interest whatsoever in probing him.
If he were to give you directions, you'd get lost and arrive two hours late.
His legend precedes him, the way a fart precedes the smell.
He is... the least interesting man in the world.
"I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Milwaukee's Beast, uh-er Best. Stay thirsty, my friends." - Byrd
No comments:
Post a Comment