Wolves Victory Ends The Hammers Championship Dreams

As the saying goes, "slow and steady wins the race." The Curley Wolves may not have been slow, but they certainly were steady in their semifinal win over the Silver Hammers. While the Hammers struggled to get points, the Wolves' had very steady even production from all its starters to achieve a 146-98 victory and advance to play the Texas Thunderbolts in the FFFL Bowl championship game. Six of the nine starters for the Curley Wolves were in double figures and three of those had 22 or more points. Maxwell's Silver Hammers have been relying on Tony Romo to carry the team, but the star quarterback's streak of fantastic play ended with a mere 15 points. And aside from another good game from Jamal Lewis (22 pts), the rest of the MSH starters just couldn't make up the difference. The Hammers will now face Las Cruces Fightin' Powderpuffs in the final game to decide 3rd place.

Silver Nuggets: Amid fears of increasing speculation that Tom Brady is actually a robot created in Dexter's Lab, Brady's handlers tuned down his performance settings to make him appear more human (14 completions, 140 yards, 0 TD, 1 Int). While the ploy appeared to have worked with the public in general, this reporter is not fooled. Robo-Brady still led the Pats to another win, staying on track for a perfect season... Frosty the Snowman made a brief appearance in Bucksnort late last week, but quickly left for Canada after seeing an Al Gore speech on TV warning people about global warming. However, Sam The Snowman stated in a MSH exclusive that the Gore story is "a buncha hooey". "Frosty's not scared of global warming. He's scared of those bogus outstanding warrants for stealing that magician's hat." Sam, who was sporting a Free Frosty t-shirt, went on to say, "Frosty's getting a bad rap. It was those hooligan kids who took the hat."... Initial reports that commercials being produced for the FFFL Bowl were ranging in price from $1 to $2 million are being retracted. It seems that the teletype for the newswire got stuck at just the right time and added 6 unnecessary zeros to the figures. Since the FFFL Bowl is only being shown on local cable access television in Aurora, Illinois, a further mystery has arisen over who is behind the $2 commercials. A spokesman at Right Knidder news group said the story was submitted by Campbell & Algar's Party-On Advertising, but a search for the business has only led to a middle-class Aurora residence.

Silver Hammers Win Big; Advance To Final Four

Maxwell's Silver Hammers spoiled Rich Chemistry's hopes for a repeat title by benefiting from its own "rich chemistry" of superstar performances. The Hammers 203-172 victory arrived courtesy of the continued remarkable season of QB Tony Romo (66 pts), another high-scoring day for RB's Jamal Lewis (30 pts) and LenDale White (24 pts), and the defensive power of the Seattle Seahawks (41 pts). The only cog missing in the Hammers machine lately is the 3-man WR/TE set who combined for only 25 points. Said MSH owner Erick Byrd, "The receiving corps has been slumping lately, but if we can get them to increase production over the final 2 weeks, we have a really good shot at shocking everyone and taking this thing. Of course, 75% of our success rests on Tony's shoulders. He will have to carry the team." Romo is second only to Tom Brady in fantasy points, who will undoubtedly be this year's fantasy MVP before being sent back to Dexter's Lab for an oil change and tune-up of his robotic circuitry.

Next week, Maxwell's Silver Hammers face the #1 seed Curley Wolves in a re-match of the week #10 game, which the Silver Hammers stole from the Wolves 143-109. The Curley Wolves will be hungry like the wolf for another win after a very close call victory over the Peon Gorillas, 155-152.

Silver Nuggets: After the surprise Beatles pseudo-reunion in the last game at the Quarry, fans made sure to stay in their seats during half-time of what may be the Hammers final home game in the playoffs. And what incredible act did MSH bring out for the big game? What act did they get to follow up McCartney, Starr, Lennon, and Harrison? None other than the vocal stylings of former "Gimme A Break" and "Blossom" star, Joey Lawrence. The child star barely got through his 1993 lone hit Nothin My Love Can't Fix before being drowned out by expletives and escaping the stage while being pelted with debris. Lawrence's reaction to his less than pleasant reception? "Whoa!"... Hammers Safety, Ted "Too Small" Droughns, made a point to address the media Tuesday and state that he "does NOT guarantee a victory" in next week's game... And it was reported that Kurt Warner had trouble leaving his Seattle hotel on Monday morning after his room and hallway were flooded with flowers and gifts by Silver Hammers fans, appreciative of his 5 interceptions thrown on Sunday (a 36 point swing in favor of MSH, who won the game by 31). [Thanks to Wayne (Agate Types) for pointing out that little tidbit]

Silver Hammers Fell Another Giant To Streak Into Playoffs With 5 Straight Wins

'Once upon a time there was a boy named Jack, who sold his prize cow for some magic beans...' Maxwell's Silver Hammers have embodied the spirit of the fabled character from the Jack And The Beanstalk fairy tale to defeat yet another FFFL giant by a score of 166-145. The upset win against the #1 ranked Las Cruces Fightin' Powder Puffs keeps the Hammers rolling into the playoffs with their 5th consecutive win. And it was "deja vu all over again" reminiscent of MSH's week 10 defeat of The Curley Wolves, who at that time had the best record in the league. Seeded 4th in the upcoming FFFL playoffs, the Hammers confidence is soaring with the knowledge that they have beaten the #1 and #2 seeds and have battled to a week 1 draw versus the #3 seed Texas Thunderbolts. This weeks star players were Tony Romo (58 pts), Willis McGahee (28 pts) and the Baltimore Ravens defense (who do not play for the Hammers, but held the Puffs' Tom Brady to 40 pts). Next week's matchup is against the 5th seeded 2006 FFFL Champion Rich Chemistry in the much anticipated re-match to settle the 1-1 regular season draw.

Silver Nuggets: The town of Bucksnort is all a buzz, as this week's win clinches the 4th seed and therefore the first ever post-season game in The Quarry, right? Well, maybe. It seems that MSH officials, thinking the chances of a home game in the playoffs as likely as Lindsey Lohan joining AA, have already booked the stadium for the 43rd Annual Convention Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine. But inside sources say that head Shriner, Illustrious Potentate (better known as Bubba) has agreed to move the convention to the local Motel 8 as long as he and his friend Coy can have tickets to the game. ...While Hammers owner, Erick Byrd, claims that his recent trip to California was merely to "urge the TV writers guild to end their strike so [he] can see Lost sometime this season", the rumor mill continues to churn out reports of Byrd shopping in other markets for a new stadium. Recently, he was said to be considering such thriving metropoli as Sucker Flat, CA, Blue Ball, DE, Roachtown, IL, Beans Corner Bingo, ME, Nimrod, MN, Tick Bite, NC, Nuttsville, VA, and Big Ugly, WV. Also in the running is Houston, TX, reportedly so that Byrd's friend Charles Gordon can have a decent football team in town.