Romo Declared "Superman"; Hammers Kiss Their Sister

Thanks to the heroics of starting QB Tony Romo, who scored 63 fantasy points, Maxwell's Silver Hammers got their first win in franchise history, beating the Texas Turf Hounds 162-138. The hard fought battle came down to the players for the Monday night games to seal the deal, but without Romo's All-Pro performance, the Hammers would be starting the season 0-2, instead of 1-0-1. Like many fans, Coach Byrd had concerns whether Romo would bounce back after the muffed hold in last season's first round playoff loss. Could his psyche handle the devastating loss? And was Romo just a one-season flash in the pan upstart All-Pro quarterback? Byrd took a big chance giving up a top draft pick to trade for Romo and it appears that it is paying off. Byrd: "He is the next Superman! I love him! ...uh, but only in a plutonic kind of way, not something gay or anything like that."

In other news, the Hammers get the rare "kiss from their sister" and tie the Thunderbolts, 162-162. Even with LaDainian Tomlinson only gaining 25 yards rushing, he still found a way to get 2 TD's. Byrd: "Are you kidding me!?" Rumours have begun circulating that teams are considering kidnapping as a means of stopping LT. An anonymous insider source was overheard to say, "If he can't play, he can't score - at least that's the theory. Oh, and ROMO IS SUPERMAN!"